February 2012 / with candor

It never gets old.

Watched this movie on Friday night and was reminded once again just how beautiful it is. After ten years, A Walk to Remember is still my favorite love story of all time.

(Yes, it may be a little odd that I'm dedicating a post to a romantic film only a couple of days after writing this. But you know what? There's nothing wrong with enjoying chick-flicks, at least not in moderation. And I'll stand by that opinion forever, thank you.)

faith musings

On emotional chastity.

A woman should hide her heart in God, and a man must go there to find it. | Crystalina Evert

This space was previously filled with my recent revelations regarding emotional purity and the embodiment of feminine holiness. You know, all of that fancy schmancy stuff that I tend to helplessly mull over every now and again. But alas, my original post was inexplicably deleted yesterday when I logged onto Blogger via my iPhone... And wouldn't you know it, I simply cannot figure out how to restore the darn file. Don't you just hate it when technology deviously turns on you like that?

Although I haven't (yet) convinced myself to completely reconstruct the lost post, I do want to leave you with this powerful piece of wisdom by a woman I greatly admire. In only 17 words, Mrs. Evert hits the nail on the head in her definition of a holy relationship, don't you think? The quote has been a favorite of mine since high school, something that I've read, pondered, and reminded myself of time and time again. So you can imagine my surprise and utter shame when I suddenly realized a few weeks ago that, regardless of my pure intentions, I could not honestly describe myself as a woman who hides her heart in God. In fact, I'm kind of an open book when it comes to my thoughts and emotions concerning love. (Hopeless romantic, remember?) And as much as I hate to admit it, I am only just beginning to understand the message behind Evert's profound and mysterious words.

In case you're wondering, I'm not quite ready to share the personal experiences that led up to this harsh revelation, but I will mention the indescribable peace that I've been given in the aftermath of everything. A peace of forgiveness, protection, and love. It is by the grace of God (and through the intercession of one God-fearing friend) that I finally recognize and am able to break free from the past emotional struggles that have kept me from becoming the woman He created me to be... A woman who regards every man first and foremost as her brother in Christ rather than a potential partner, who is not burdened by the restless anxiety to find her soulmate, or quick to attach herself emotionally to the men with whom she feels an instant connection. In short, a woman who does not walk through life with her heart balancing ever so carelessly on her sleeve, for all the world to see.

Instead, a lady of virtue knows that she is a daughter of the Divine King, worthy of being sought out and pursued by a man that will recognize her beauty and give glory to her Creator. She is the one who buries her heart in Jesus, her heavenly Bridegroom, and patiently rests in Him while the Lord perfects her unique love story. She is far too precious to be swept off of her feet by just anyone, and she prudently resists the urge to fall slave to her fleeting desires and passions. A woman of God is free, fearless, firm and faithful. Her heart is as pure as gold, and—knowing this—she does not make haste to give it away.

Beautiful image, no? And real, too. Regardless of who we are or what we've done, the demons we've faced or the battles we've lost, that indestructible spirit is at the core of our feminine beings, constantly guiding us towards holiness and ultimate fulfillment. That said, I do not pretend to believe that emotional chastity is an easy concept to embrace, especially in a world where everything is founded on momentary feelings and romantic whims. If it were simple, I wouldn't feel the undeniable need to dwell on the subject for so long in an attempt to fully grasp what it means to be pure. But I do, because it's not simple. Nor is it irrelevant, outdated, or trivial. Every single one of us is called to guard our delicate hearts, out of respect for our future spouses and for the sake of our own happiness. And why shouldn't we? They are valued far above rubies, after all.

Update (7/30/13): After a year and a half of pondering what it truly means to "guard my heart" as a Christian woman, a few key things have become clearer to me. For one, I've realized that being emotionally chaste does NOT have anything to do with ignoring or hiding my true feelings about someone or something. The Evangelista makes a pretty good argument—one that I happen to agree with—about the importance of being realistic, not robotic, in matters of the heart. Check it out!

Photo by Ben White.

holidays

Laissez les bons temps rouler.

Schools everywhere should be closed on Mardi Gras. Am I right?

Photo taken by John Mizenko on Mardi Gras in 1956 New Orleans.

Alabama family travel USA

Familiar places.

This cold and rainy weather has got me thinking about how much I miss summer days spent in Gulf Shores with my family and the two best friends. Waking up to sunshine and the sound of crashing waves, eating crawfish étouffée for every other meal, falling asleep on the beach in between chapters of a good book, and playing hand after hand of card games in the post-sunset hours were typically what those days consisted of. Utter bliss and so many memories. As much as I love traveling to new places, nothing beats our traditional trips to Gulf Shores. Even after 20+ years.

eats wellness

How much is too much?

It's been two and a half weeks, and I'm still surviving the sugar detox. Feeling pretty good, actually. My sweet cravings have nearly dissipated, which is something I never thought possible, and I have more energy now that my body no longer depends on sugar for an instant boost.

I've also been reading Sarah Wilson's ebook on how to successfully beat sugar addiction, and although her methods are somewhat on the extreme side (like cutting out fruit, milk, etc.), I'm finding a lot of her tips to be quite helpful. Wilson shares with her readers her own story of sugar addiction and how she made the tough but rewarding decision to overcome it. Even after routinely foregoing the baked goods, ice cream, and candy, she says that she still wasn't satisfied with the large amount of not-so-obvious sugars in her diet:

"Here’s a snapshot: three pieces of fruit a day, a handful of dried fruit in my porridge, a teaspoon or two of honey in my tea, a small (35g) bar of dark chocolate after lunch, and after dinner honey drizzled on yoghurt, or dessert (if I was out). A conservative day would see me consume about 30 teaspoons of sugar, just in that rundown of snacks above. That’s not counting the hidden sugar in things like tomato sauce and other everyday foodstuffs."

Thirty teaspoons! According to LiveStrong, there are 4 grams and 15 calories in one teaspoon of sugar. That's 120 grams of sugar in one day. Can you imagine consuming 450 calories of just sugar throughout your day without even realizing it? The sad thing is, in our current world, that is not at all uncommon, even among the most "conservative" of eaters. Which is why I decided to roughly calculate my daily average sugar consumption by totaling the number of grams that I eat on any given day. Somehow, I ended up choosing Valentine's Day. Kind of dumb, if you ask me, but it sort of just happened that way. Anywho, before I display the results, let me just reiterate that this was a one-day-only experiment. Don't worry, I'm not going to go and get all crazy on you people.

Sugar Count for Tuesday, Feb. 14th

Breakfast: 16g
-- 1 cup Kashi cereal (5g)
-- 1 cup unsweetened almond milk (0g)
-- 1 tbsp. raisins (10g)
-- 1 cup coffee with 1 pkt. Truvia & 1 tbsp. cream (1g)

Lunch: 4g
-- 1 whole wheat tortilla (3g)
-- 1 slice low-fat provolone cheese (0g)
-- 2 oz. sliced deli turkey breast (0g)
-- 1 tbsp. chipotle salsa (1g)
-- 1/2 cup spinach leaves (0g)

Afternoon Snack: 8g
-- 1 cup tomato basil soup (8g)

Dinner: 18g
-- 1 Kashi frozen meal (18g)

Sidebar: In spite of the universal belief that all college kids eat TV dinners and Ramen noodles for dinner every evening, I actually do try to cook when I'm not too tired and don't have late meetings. I'll usually make things like black bean chili, taco soup, salmon with veggies and brown rice, chicken stir fry, or the occasional [whole wheat] pasta dish. On this particular night, however, I decided to be lazy.

Dessert: 2g
-- 4 oz. red wine (1g)
-- 1 square (10g) 90% dark chocolate (1g)
Total: 48g/12 tsp./180 calories

Not too shabby. Out of those 48 grams of sugar, roughly 23 grams (5.75 tsp. and 86 cals) were added sugars (aka, the bad kind). Keep in mind that this is all approximate. Since nutrition labels don't clarify how many grams of sugar are added versus how many are naturally occurring, I estimated by simply dividing the purple numbers in half and adding them to the red numbers. And of course, the foods made up of nothing but natural sugars are easy to determine because sugar (in any of its devious nicknames) is not listed anywhere in the ingredients. Simple, right?

According to the American Heart Association, women should consume no more than 100 calories from added sugars per day and men no more than 150. Phew, I'm doing okay. But Wilson, being the rockstar that she is, allows herself no more than a total of 6 tsp. of sugar (added plus natural) per day in order to completely clear her body of the toxic substance. As seen above, I definitely don't meet those requirements—try doubling it!—but I'm okay with that. She makes it a point in her ebook that every single body is different and therefore has different needs.

In conclusion, some (very strong-willed) people are able to completely wipe sugar out of their diets... I'm talking fruit, dairy, everything. And that's amazing! But as for me, well, I'm not so extreme. Right now, I'm choosing to concentrate more on those pesky added sugars: I've learned that chocolate peanut butter (7g per 2 tbsp.) is my weakness when I'm in the mood for a snack, but I'm going to eventually wean myself off of the stuff. (It would be a shame to waste the half a jar that's left, don't you think?) However, now that I have a better idea of the amount of sugar in the everyday foods that I eat, I can better decide what to keep around and what to replace with something smarter. After all, this is a learning experience.

college holidays

Dropping in.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! I'm currently enjoying a glass of red wine and a piece of dark chocolate before I hit the books for some old-fashioned study time. How are you spending your romantic evening?

P.S. Some posts to look forward to on Snapshots and Snowglobes: another follow-up on living sans sugar, my recent realizations regarding the issue of emotional chastity, and finally, the story behind the new blog name. Yay.

Photo.

college wanderlust

Oxford bound.

I never thought I'd be going this soon. The whole process happened so quickly, really. But I'm getting ahead of myself here. Let's start at the beginning, yes? I had originally planned on studying abroad in England the spring semester of my junior year. Three hundred sixty-five days from now, for five whole months. But it seems that God has different plans.

As I was attempting to navigate through the UT Study Abroad website in early January for information on different colleges around London, I accidentally stumbled across the Oxford Summer Program page, knowing full well that this was one option that I could rule out for good. I hadn't any interest to apply for this summer program, particularly because of its short one-month duration; I was convinced that 30-something days could never satisfy my longtime desire to explore the ins and outs of such an extraordinary place. Even when my mother encouraged me to look into it—because "a group-organized summer trip would be perfect"—I was adamant about doing nothing of the sort.

Frustrated with the lack of helpful results (and tired of reading about programs that were either too expensive, too far from London, not offering classes for my major, etc...), I prepared to give up on the day's overwhelming search without thinking twice. But as the cursor glided towards the 'back' button on my computer screen, curiosity welled up inside of me and the description of the Oxford trip begged to be skimmed, if nothing more.

July 7 through August 11...gathers students to enjoy life and literature at Oxford University, the oldest English-speaking university in the world...one or two upper-division English classes...enjoy many field trips and theatrical performances...a wonderful balance of academics and fun...a chance to live in an early 17th-century English college in modern-day Oxford...events include Shakespeare performances at the Globe Theatre in London...visits to Bath, Windrush Plaza, and Chatsworth...

And then it struck me. This actually sounded quite perfect. More so than anything I'd already looked into, at least. Why didn't I at least consider this idea, again? Oh yes, too short. But there's so much offered here... Prepaid adventures and group tours, Shakespeare plays and only one to two classes? Okay, rewind. Think about this. Be rational. What if spending one month overseas could prove to be enough for me? Maybe my first trip to Europe should be just that—a trip. A chance to get a brief but invigorating feel for the atmosphere and a remarkable glimpse into everything else. There would be no time to get homesick. And if I love England as much as I hope, can't I always go back someday?

I eventually made the smart decision to apply, regrettably realizing that the chances of my being accepted so late in the game were slim to none. But what the heck. This opportunity seemed too good to pass up. (Why are mothers always right?) As expected, I was put on a wait list as soon as my application was submitted. And so I waited, prayed, waited some more. Until Friday evening, when I opened an email from my advisor saying that several people had dropped out of the program and that I was welcome to attend.

This, friends, might have been one of the brightest and blessed moments of my life thus far. Because it was in those few seconds of reading her delicious words that I saw my far-off dream of traveling to England flash right before my eyes, becoming more tangible and obtainable as I breathed in every last letter of her invitation. Needless to say, my reply was instant.

In less than half a year, I'm going to be in Europe. And not only Europe, but London. (Well, Oxford, technically. Close enough.) Somebody please pinch me.

Photo of the Houses of Parliament in 1934 by Hoppé.

eats wellness

One week down.

After last week's lengthy rant on the dangers of sugar and why I've decided to quit, several friends and family members suggested that I keep track of my progress (and setbacks) on my blog, sort of as a way to hold myself accountable. I like this idea, not only because it will be beneficial to record the ups and downs of my sugarless journey, but because I believe that everything's easier to accomplish with a support system. With all of the positive feedback that I've gotten already, I feel like I have an encouraging group of people behind me on this, and that might be all that I need to stay true to my resolution.

It's been one week since I made the powerful decision to wean myself off of sugar, and although it hasn't been easy, it also hasn't been as difficult as I anticipated it would be... yet. I'm sure this will change within the coming weeks, but I feel like the little victories (and mistakes) I made this week will really help guide me in the right direction for the testing days to come.

So, Week One:

The first few days were a cinch. Kristen and I made a trip to HEB on Tuesday (or was it Wednesday?) and stocked up on a month's worth of fresh fruit and veggies. I vowed to cook dinner more often—three or four nights a week—and eat out less. I made time to exercise for 45 minutes every other day. By the time Friday rolled around, I was feeling good. Healthy, energetic, light.

And then I went home to Mom and Dad's place in Houston. Now folks, you have to understand... My parents are very healthy people—constantly active conscious eaters—but whenever I go home, we like to have a good time. Naturally. This time around, pizza was involved. And red wine. There may have even been some buttered popcorn thrown in there. But you know what? The pizza was topped with veggies and made with whole wheat crust, the wine helped with our daily antioxidants intake, and going to the movies just isn't nearly as fun without having something to nom on (Buncha Crunch was not an option, for obvious reasons). Plus, Dad and I actually ran through the rain and cold to get to the gym on Saturday morning. That's commitment right there. So all things considered, I feel like I did pretty well, regardless of my little weekend indulgences.

The real setback came later, on Sunday evening after I got back to Austin. I think it's pivotal to mention that there's just something about this wretched day of the week that depresses me to no end. You know what I'm talking about: that pre-week stress-inducing Sunday night slump. And I hate to be stereotypical, but what do girls do when they're feeling less than joyful? We eat. Okay, I really shouldn't generalize, because it's not every single one of us. But I eat. Usually the bad stuff, too, like Girl Scout Cookies (which we do currently have in our freezer) or chocolate covered raisins... Anything sugary that I can snack on while grudgingly sifting through my abandoned pile of homework. Well, this time around, I replaced cookies and candy with my favorite Fiber One cereal. Sounds healthy, right? I'd like to think so, but if I'm being honest, this particular kind—appropriately named Caramel Delight—is not so great. I'm talking ten-grams-of-sugar-per-cup not so great. And as I was mindlessly nearing my third or fourth cup (never eat directly from a box), I suddenly realized that this was NOT OKAY. That's 30-40 grams of sugar, people! Consumed in less than an hour! I mean, what's the point of giving up the good stuff if you're simply replacing it with sugar that is just a bit more...fibrous?

I do remember saying that I was going to cut down on all kinds of added sugar, even if it means changing my breakfast cereals. So I have no excuse. Although the cereal brands that I eat are considered more healthful than the rest—think Kashi & Fiber One—there is just as many grams of the white stuff in most of these as there is in Cocoa Puffs. Yeah, the stuff I ate when I was ten and my metabolism rivaled a speed demon. Alas, a new rule of thumb for eating breakfast cereal: aim for those with less than seven grams* of sugar per serving (and always stop AFTER ONE SERVING, not after half the box has disappeared).

Here are a few tasty "adult" cereals that fall under this low-sugar category:

1. Shredded Wheat Original

2. Fiber One Honey Squares

3. Kashi GoLean

4. Cheerios Original

5. Ezekiel Sprouted Whole Grain Cereal

Also a brilliant idea? Combine half a serving of a low/no-sugar cereal with half a serving of lightly sweetened cereal to get the perfect balance. Speaking as someone who eats the grainy stuff every single morning, mixing it up keeps things fresh and exciting. But anywho.

Now that this little cereal hiccup is water under the bridge, I'm onto Week Two! Wish me good luck.

*I was thinking of cutting it down to no more than five grams, but that wouldn't leave very much room for any of the cereals I love. And life's just too short for that. Seven will have to suffice, at least for this week.

Cereal box collage by Chris Toumanian.

holidays TV + film

Flutter.

February is (and has always been) my third favorite* month. I'm sure you can guess why...

It's chick-flick season! I don't know about you, but I could watch my favorites over and over again. Ladies—and gentlemen—are there any love stories that you can't get enough of? And just out of curiosity, which ones do you hate?

*After October and December.

Sugar Count for Tuesday, Feb. 14th

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