I just wanted to stop by and say hey. Because it's been a while, and something exciting is upon us. The best friend and I are laying the groundwork for a joint project we've been talking/dreaming about for months, and we can't wait to share it! I won't go into too much detail just yet, because our brainchild is only a newborn right now (all in due time), but I can finally say that this is happening. And it's going to be beautiful.

In other news, I'm feeling awfully under the weather today (sore throat, coughing, chills) but better to be sick on a weekend when you can stay in bed and read under the covers all day, am I right? Anyway, #countingmyblessings.

Have a wonderful weekend, loves!

P.S. Has anyone tried Enlightened Ice Cream? I ate nearly a full pint of the Caramel Oatmeal Cookie Crunch flavor last night, it was THAT good. And it has way less sugar than regular ice cream! For some reason, the pints aren't featured on their website yet, but I found a whole bunch of them at our local Sprouts. (Score.) Here's a not-so-great photo for reference (just look at that creamy, caramel-y goodness!).

Every single year, this holy season of repentance sneaks up on me without fair warning.

>>> Okay, I guess Mardi Gras is the epitome of "fair warning," but besides being offered embarrassingly large portions of King Cake (and eating every single one), the infamous Cajun tradition is somewhat lost on my fellow Houstonians. As in, not properly celebrated. Not really. (Exhibit A: WHY do I still have to wake up and get my ass to work on Fat Tuesday...?)

But I digress.

No matter how many pieces of gooey purple-and-green Bavarian cream-filled donuts I eat the day before, Ash Wednesday always comes as a shock. It hits me like a train going full-speed ahead, and I'm usually trying to scramble together a Lenten game plan the morning of. Or while in line to receive my ashes. You know how it goes.

So, yes, this blog post is coming to you five days after the fact. But it just so happens that these past five days were critical in pinning down the spiritual crisis I currently face.

As I sat before the priest yesterday, my head bowed in reconciliation and my mouth awkwardly stumbling over unprepared words, the one thing I kept coming back to was my lack of trust in Him. It was the giant elephant in the confessional, each and every personal defeat a result of my deep-rooted doubt that He could truly love me, knowing full well all that I am—and, even worse, all that I'm not.

Only a few days earlier, after a minuscule argument with a loved one left me feeling awfully fragile and on the verge of tears (even hours later), I began to wonder what exactly it is that drives my sense of self-worth. While the better part of my identity is wrapped up in being a good wife, daughter, sister, and friend—all the wonderful parts I play on a day-to-day basis—I can't understand why my self-esteem plummets whenever I feel remotely lacking in any of these roles. It's exhausting, quite frankly, this whole living-in-fear-of-letting-people-down thing. And also completely unnecessary. (No one's perfect, after all; meaning, no one expects perfection. Unless, of course, they're crazy—and therefore absolutely not worth the extra effort.) So WHY do I let my insecurities consume me?

It's a build, of course. Always a build of small things and itchy words that seem to say you're not good enough. 

And it was in conversation with the kind priest, engulfed by God's grace, that I was met with a major wake-up call. Here I was trying to bring our Savior down to my level, to place Him within the parameters of my basic comprehension of human love. But God is not human. He does not love me like my husband or my parents or my best friend, unconditionally yet imperfectly. He is the very definition of love, and I am the apple of His eye. Me, a sinner. Selfish one day and indifferent the next. Striving and failing, again and again.

I am dust and unto dust I will return.

But now, thus says the LORD, who created you and formed you: Do not fear, for I have redeemed you. I have called you by name, you are mine.

All this to say, I'm giving up doubt for Lent. Doubt in His love, yes, but also doubt in myself. For the first time, I'm opening my eyes to who I really am—who God says I am—and all that I'm worth. Imperfections, weaknesses and flaws included. Because if I can't see the real me, the best me... How can I expect anyone else to?

|| photo by Athena Grace + bible verse from Isaiah 43 ||

I'm pretty sure I was in Rome when I got the call. Or maybe it was Florence. Either way, we were in the middle of a group tour somewhere in Italy, and for the first time since I'd left the United States, my cell phone buzzed from my back pocket. Ever so subtly, lest the tour guide think me rude, I pulled the warm iPhone out of its cozy home and snuck a glance. The caller was from New York City. Strange, I thought. Must be a wrong number. But there was a part of me that knew better.


The beginning of 2014 saw me antsy to rebuild my life from the ground up, preferably somewhere new. I had just graduated from college, moved back in with my parents, and started working part-time in a corporate office—something I finally convinced myself was the smartest thing to do while I planned out my next big step. Over the course of six months, I sent out job application after application, only to find the rejections roll in. VSCO, Verily, Kinfolk, Popsugar. Denver, NYC, Portland, San Francisco. No, no, and—you guessed it—no. Exhausted from trying and failing, I decided to focus on what I knew would make me happy. I decided to travel.


I would find out only a few days after the Italian city tour who tried to get ahold of me that afternoon. The second time my phone rang in three weeks, I was sitting in a hotel bar in Paris. Despite being nervous about racking up a hefty phone bill, my curiosity won out.

"Hello?"

"Hi, may I please speak to Emily Almon?"

>>> Seriously, why is it that everyone overlooks the "e" in Alleman?

"This is she."

"Good morning, Emily. My name is [...] and I'm a recruiter with Oxford University Press. We’ve reviewed your application for the Marketing Assistant position, and if you’re still interested in the job, I'd love to set up a Skype interview with you sometime this week."

I hung up only a short few minutes later feeling more hopeful about my future than I had in months. And yet, I never made the interview.


On a warm July evening in Rome, after a long day on foot, Kristen and I shared dinner and dessert in one of the quieter corners of the city. Outside of the Italian cafe, at a little two-person table, we rehashed once again all of our wonders, fears, and hopes for the years ahead while strangers filtered through unnoticed. Three hours into our conversation, in between sips of my lukewarm cappuccino, I blithely expressed a simple yet powerful intention that would ultimately change the course of my life.

"I'm going to marry him someday."


Turns out, this particular job I had applied for back in April or May (and then somehow forgot about) was in the publishing company’s East Coast office. North Carolina, to be specific, the same state to which I'd felt some sort of random calling since my junior year of high school.

It suddenly felt like everything I had worked for throughout my three and a half years of college all boiled down to that one moment, sitting in a hotel bar in the middle of Paris. Determining my entire future over a glass of white wine. This kind of rare opportunity—a fresh start, a change of scenery—was what I had been praying for all along.

And yet.

Given the choice between staying and going, most people will tell you to just go. Do what you've always dreamed of. Take a risk. Don't look back. And nine times out of ten, their genuinely kickass advice will be worth following. But every once in a long while will come a wild chance at something that, if taken, might mean losing something indescribably better.


Back in the States, after the dust had settled, it became all too clear the reasons I wanted to run away in the first place. Curiosity, sure. But also, validation. To gain the approval of a society that values ambition over love. And to convince myself I was strong enough to do it all on my own.

When the "dream" you've been chasing becomes more about everyone else's perception of you than it is about your own aspirations, the whole idea begins to lose its luster. And it seems so obvious, the choice you need want to make. The choice to stay. Because the timing just isn't quite right, and your reasoning is shockingly flawed. Factors that can turn even the best decision into a wrong one.

If only I could have seen the truth when it mattered most, when the long, pregnant pause on his end of the line sounded an awful lot like a silent plea to stay by his side for good. If only I could have realized right then: Rome held the answer all along.